Okay, so the honeymoon phase is over. In fact, the entire relationship is over. Literally, from one day to the next, you become a single person navigating the dating world in 2021. I’ve found that if we do not learn the lesson the universe is teaching, we are destined to continue the same patterns and behaviors.
When I went through my most recent separation, I conducted an “Exit Interview” with my partner. To many people, that seemed strange; however, I truly wanted to see Norman from another perspective. What I learned was eye-opening, a little upsetting, and self-challenging. I learned a series of lessons that shaped how I interact with others romantically and chose to step up my game with personal development.
- Your time is more valuable than you think. I am a provider by nature. I learned that while paying bills and supporting my household is extremely important, it is also important to provide emotional, sexual, and mental support. Quality time shapes the foundation of intimacy and sets the stage for the relationship.
- Open your mouth! Nobody likes to hurt feelings or cause conflict. What I’ve learned is that when you don’t communicate your feelings, you bottle them up. This will only water the seed of resentment and change how you interact with your partner.
- Roll around the sack (if you’re able to). Sexual intimacy is also communication. It communicates on a level that surpasses our words. It is also an exchange of energy. Don’t allow your job or other responsibilities to take all your energy to the point there is no sexy time for your partner.
- Shut up sometimes! Conscious and effective listening is an essential tool to have in your toolbox. Not every conversation requires your opinion or advice. Sometimes, your partner wants to talk and feel heard without you trying to self-help them to death.
- Take your time, boo! To truly determine a) that you’re not just friends posing as a couple, b) that you actually want to be with this person, c) that you’re compatible, it is vital to allow time to take its course. Organic and natural development is key. This is not to say sometimes relationships don’t develop quickly; however, it is important to take time before investing your time, energy, and other resources into the relationship.
It’s okay to say goodbye. Often, folks will stay in a non-working relationship just because… Just because they want a two-person earning household. Just because starting over is hard. Just because being alone is scary. The thing is this – yes, those things are hard. But so is staying in a relationship that is no longer working. It takes courage to have this conversation and start moving on.
These lessons caused me to look deeper, take my time, heal and move forward.