By Norma Llyaman

Las Vegas PRIDE Magazine will now feature a new and witty advice column from Auntie Norma, our very own in-house advice guru. You, the reader, send in the questions, and Norma will try her best to answer with wit, intellect, and charm. No subject is off limits unless it’s illegal, immoral, or just downright stupid! (i.e. Where do babies come from?)

It’s been a crazy 2024, and we are just tipping our toes into 2025! Let’s see who needs some advice and direction for the New Year!

Dear Auntie Norma,

I got a PRINCE ALBERT for Christmas. I guess I should have asked Santa for something more practical, but I thought it would look so cool! I’m a tall, skinny OTTER, and it just hangs on me like a silly-looking hoop on a stick. What should I do?

PP Pierce

Dear PP,

Well, sometimes the object in the mirror is closer / larger than it seems or appears, or something like that. I would have to see some photos first to make an educated assessment! MSG ME!

Honestly, check the proportion of the gauge of the Prince Albert to your dong size! If you have a size 10.5 foot, you sometimes need to buy a size 12 shoe! Did you ask friends for advice before getting your P pierced? Perhaps all you need to do is adjust the size of your Albert and get things in proportion! Long and lanky? Thick and meaty? All sizes can be adorned with some level of excitement! LAST THOUGHT – Get some good cleaning products for your toilet! Prince Albert’s are notorious for their overspray! Just saying!

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Dear Auntie Norma,

I’ve been married to a woman twice and a man once. Three times was not a lucky charm for me, and I am single and desperately seeking my true love. Again! I am still dating men, but I enjoy a night or two every once in a while with a female companion. I’ve always been a free spirit and love who I love! Where do I go from here to find true love?

BI Guy 4 Love

Dear BI Guy 4 Love,

It’s 2024. You can be who you want to be and love who you want to love! Bisexual or Pansexual. “Love the one you’re with!” (that was a lyric from an old song!) If you are looking for love, relax and let love find you! You stated that you have been married three times. HONEY, slow down and stop rushing to the altar. We have fought for the right of Marriage Equality, not DIVORCE Equality! Quality vs. quantity is my first piece of advice to you!

Take a breath and see what happens. There will be a time when you will be with someone, and you will know! There will be fireworks, music playing in your head, and little silly angels dancing in the sky when true love finally comes knocking at your door. Until then, take it slow and stop running down the aisle! Perhaps one day you will realize that Tacos on Tuesday and Franks on Friday is the exact diet you need!

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Dear Auntie Norma,

I love being a pup. Everything about the scene is very special to me, and I can’t wait to find myself a trainer. I have been told that many ALPHAS want me. How do I go about being the best pup that I can be for a new master?

Uncollared Wanting Love

Dear UWL,

I am truly a cat person! Meow! Meow!

Dogs need obedience training, a good leash, and to be housebroken! Forgive my honesty!

Pluto, Goofy, Rin Tin Tin, Lassie, Benji, Sandy (Annie), Brian Griffin, Snoopy, Scoobie Doo, Odie, and Toto are all names that come to mind when I think of great dogs, and not one of them makes me want to wear a mask, bark on all fours or have puppy play time and sniff an arse! Perhaps research the names above to give you an insight into eventually being “Uncollared!”

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Next month, we focus 100% on ROMANCE!!

Send your questions to AUNTIE NORMA for review at [email protected]

This article was originally published in the 2025 Winter Issue of Las Vegas PRIDE Magazine, and can be read in its original format here.