By Jamie Morris

Ever since my very first comedy parody play, Mommie Queerest, waaaaay back in 2003 (this is why I hate math) people have been asking, “When are you going to do The Golden Girls?” (I always thought that phrasing sounded a little creepy.)

I would politely reply, “Ooo, maybe next year,” brushing it off while knowing full well I had absolutely no intention of parodying a sitcom that was already perfect. A show still captivating audiences of all ages, 40 years after its network premiere. What in the hell could I possibly add to it? Who did I think I was, touching Susan Harris’ small-screen masterpiece?

And then there was Susan Harris herself. I didn’t need, or want, a cease-and-desist from Witt/Thomas/Harris Productions.

So the years went by.

I kept deflecting.

Instead, I “tackled” other beloved sitcoms and gave them my twist: “The Facts of Life: The Lost Episode” (2004), “Re-Designing Women” (2013), “Gilligan’s Fire Island” (2015), and “Schartt$ Creek” (2022). Then there were the movies I couldn’t resist parodying: “The Silence of the Clams” (2007) and “The Devil Wears Payless” (2024).

And then came a suggestion; a title.

I always write the title first. I adopted that rule in my first year performing in Provincetown, Massachusetts, the highly competitive LGBTQIA+ resort town at the tip of Cape Cod. You have to hook them with the title. You want to hear, “Ooo, that sounds funny!” before they even buy a ticket.

The title came out of the mouth of my partner of 27 years, Christopher Kenney, aka EDIE of Cirque du Soleil’s Zumanity fame. He’s also my director, collaborator, and business partner, so the trust runs deep.

“Golden Mean Girls,” he said, eyes lighting up.

My mouth opened. No sound came out.

Then my eyes lit up.

That was it.

I was finally ready to take on Blanche, Rose, Dorothy, and Sophia.

How would I tie them into the cult-classic Tina Fey film? I had no idea. But I had time. Nine months, to be exact.

Of course, in typical “me” fashion, I procrastinated until opening night at the Post Office Cabaret in Provincetown was just six weeks away. I hunkered down and wrote the show in two weeks, much to the stress of my producer, my director, and the theater owner.

On June 20 last summer, “Golden Mean Girls” premiered and ran through Labor Day. Thankfully, we were warmly received and extended through October.

I am so very blessed to:

1. have a slot in the Provincetown cabaret scene (it’s like winning the gay lottery!), and
2. do what I love in my happy place.

And now I get to come home to Las Vegas and share it with my friends here.

For the second time, the gracious and generous Troy Heard has invited me to play in his magical, immersive Majestic Repertory Theatre in the Arts District. “Golden Mean Girls” will run March 19–22 for four performances only, featuring the original Provincetown cast.

Visit majesticrepertory.com for tickets, and hopefully we’ll see you there!

And, because when the “Golden Girls” bug bit, it bit hard, I’ve also created Golden Girls’ Big Boozy Bottomless Brunch, the first-ever weekly, ongoing Golden Girls Drag Brunch Experience in Las Vegas. It happens every Sunday at 1 pm at Alexis Park. Tickets are available at modernvegas.com.

After years of avoiding the ladies of a certain age in Miami, I suppose I’ve finally embraced them.

But I’m still afraid to check the mailbox.

That cease-and-desist could arrive at any moment.

And if it does… I’m moving to St. Olaf.

For “Golden Mean Girls” tickets, visit: majesticrepertory.com

This article was originally published in the 2026 Women & LGBTQIA+ Visibility Issue of Las Vegas PRIDE Magazine, and can be read in its original format here.