Norma Knows? Always Good Advice from Auntie Norma
By Auntie Norma
Welcome Back Sweeties! Here we are with another in-depth, intellectual, and witty advice column from Auntie Norma, our very own In-House advice guru. Do you remember? You, the reader, send in the questions, and Norma will try her best to answer with wit, knowledge, and charm. No subject is off limits unless it is illegal, immoral, or just downright stupid! (i.e., Are Cadbury eggs really from chickens?)
READY FREDDY? Let’s get this “T” poured!
Dear Auntie Norma,
My ex is from my hometown, and our 30th class reunion is coming up this summer. I want to go back East for the celebration, but I don’t want to see him! I cheated, and it was all my fault that we split up. I know that he will be there because he was the Student Council President, a popular jock, and is organizing the event. I have apologized many times for what I did; however, I broke his heart. What should I do? What should I say when I see him?
Desperately and always an athletic supporter!
Tim
Dear Tim,
The past is the past, and you are, unfortunately, the villain! He is the victim of your roving trouser snake! Apparently, he got bit really hard to move all that way! Accept responsibility, move on, and be an adult about it. I suspect that he will never return to your arms here in the desert and has moved on with his new chapter of life! Good for him! If you go and do happen to see him, cordially say hello and perhaps a “Good to see you!” Keep it simple! NO HUGS! NO DRAMA! NO TEARS! Who knows? Maybe he will see you again and get weak knees and swoon at your feet but DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH FOR THAT TO HAPPEN!
Dear Auntie Norma,
I am a 35 / single gay man, and I have recently discovered that I am becoming increasingly attracted to Trans Men. I have recently met a few Trans Men who really turned me on – intellectually and sexually. I am nervous but want to explore this new path. What do I do now?
A whole new world Andy
Dear Andy,
HUMAN!! We are all HUMAN! We all breathe and have a heartbeat! Go forth and explore your “New World!” Trans Men and Trans Women are people within our community, and we all need love and attention! Perhaps when you are out and about and happen to cross paths with someone that you are attracted to, stop, and say hello! Simple steps, baby! A simple “Hello! Hi! How are you today? I love coming to this place. Have you been here before?” could spark a conversation and more! People will never know how you are feeling unless you tell them! Take the first step! But please note that when intimacy opens the door of opportunity, you should have already had some meaningful conversations about the logistical layout of the land!
Dear Auntie Norma,
I am madly in love with my girlfriend! She is the sunshine and the moon! She is the reason I wake up and the reason I exist! I want to get married and live happily ever after with her, but I am afraid to propose to her for fear of rejection or dismissal.
We have been together for almost 6 years, and both have great professional jobs. Surprisingly, for lesbians, we have not yet moved in together because we each own a home, even though she has more clothing in the closet at my house than I do at her house!
I bought her a ring last fall when we were in Sedona on a romantic getaway, and it has been just “ACHING” to get out of the box and onto her finger! HELP AUNTIE! HELP ME! How do I make her a blushing bride?
Nervous Nelly
with no UHAUL & 1 TOASTER!
Dear Nervous Nelly,
U-Hauls and toasters went on tour with the INDIGO GIRLS!! Let me tell you something – you need to start gardening! Start planting some seeds! Start cultivating the soil and everything you say and do to let her know that you are serious and want to settle down! Six years is a great time to get to know someone!
Subtle, simple hints or conversations! “I want to be with you forever! You make my world go round!” Watch a movie about weddings (BRIDESMAIDS) and just chit chat! Sounds cheesy – but it will work! Perhaps something more fun like “When we get married, will there be two bridal gowns?” “Do we do a double bouquet toss?” Or just simply go to her one day, after dinner at home, walk into the living room with a nice glass of wine, and sit down and say, “I love you with all my heart! Will you marry me?”
In our next edition, we’ll feature more DRAMA!
Send your questions to AUNTIE NORMA for review to [email protected]
This article was originally published in the 2025 Spring Issue of Las Vegas PRIDE Magazine, and can be read in its original format here.
